Do you enjoy enraging your fellow swimmers? Do you want your lanemates to secretly hate you – or possibly even overtly hate you?
If so, I made a list just for you. The Top 10 Petty Annoyances of Organized Pool Swimming. A handy guide to sowing chaos in an organized swim workout. Think of them as descending circles of Hell.
If you want to be a pool asshole, here are a few suggestions:
10. Swim right on someone’s feet during warm-up.
9. Cheat during the non-swimming portions of the workout — pulling when you’re supposed to be kicking; full stroke when you’re supposed to be drilling.
8. Pull on the laneline in backstroke.
7. During a distance set, when a faster swimmer in the adjacent lane approaches, suddenly speed up and “race” the faster swimmer, perhaps only for a lap or two.
6. Join a lane with slower swimmers, lead the lane, and then unilaterally change the interval so nobody else gets any rest.
5. Join a lane with faster swimmers and fail to make the interval except by using fins or paddles, or by stopping every few laps.
4. Be unaware of a faster swimmer approaching from behind and, when approaching the wall, swim across the lane and cut off the passing swimmer.
3. Leave 5 seconds apart in a long-course pool, even when there are only 2-3 others sharing the lane.
2. Leave 2-3 seconds early (Grrreeeeegggggg!).
And now, the #1 way to be a pool asshole:
1. Sprint to catch up to the swimmer in front of you. Pass him or her. Then, once you are in front, suddenly slow down.