Menaces to (swim) society: How to be a pool asshole

Do you enjoy enraging your fellow swimmers? Do you want your lanemates to secretly hate you - or possibly even overtly hate you?

If so, I made a list just for you. The Top 10 Petty Annoyances of Organized Pool Swimming. A handy guide to sowing chaos in an organized swim workout. Think of them as descending circles of Hell.

<img title=”leaves 2 seconds early” src=”/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/526996_200509626727198_424623887_n-300x300.jpg” alt=”” - style=”float: left;” />

Courtesy of Swimming Memes

If you want to be a pool asshole, here are a few suggestions:

  1. Swim right on someone’s feet during warm-up.

  2. Cheat during the non-swimming portions of the workout - pulling when you’re supposed to be kicking; full stroke when you’re supposed to be drilling.

  3. Pull on the laneline in backstroke.

  4. During a distance set, when a faster swimmer in the adjacent lane approaches, suddenly speed up and “race” the faster swimmer, perhaps only for a lap or two.

  5. Join a lane with slower swimmers, lead the lane, and then unilaterally change the interval so nobody else gets any rest.

  6. Join a lane with faster swimmers and fail to make the interval except by using fins or paddles, or by stopping every few laps.

  7. Be unaware of a faster swimmer approaching from behind and, when approaching the wall, swim across the lane and cut off the passing swimmer.

  8. Leave 5 seconds apart in a long-course pool, even when there are only 2-3 others sharing the lane.

  9. Leave 2-3 seconds early (Grrreeeeegggggg!).

And now, the #1 way to be a pool asshole:

  1. Sprint to catch up to the swimmer in front of you. Pass him or her. Then, once you are in front, suddenly slow down.

Posted 16 August 2012 in: commentary Tags: etiquette

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